This week, I’ve been asking myself some really difficult, uncomfortable questions like:

• How do I ask for a pay rise and
• how do I speak up during meetings.

Thinking about these things makes me nervous, that I start questioning my competency and confidence.

I guess I’m trying to be brave. I know I will have to eventually just go and ask, but it’s hard to face up to these things because I don’t normally talk about them, yet I know I have a right to.

So I figured I’ve got to build up my self-confidence.  I know there will be many more uncomfortable and difficult questions I will have to ask people in the future, and I don’t want lack of confidence to get in the way of what I want.

I’m starting by doing more of the things I’m good at, rather than constantly reminding myself of all the things I’m bad at.

For example, I remember going to school camp as a kid and even though I was the shyest kid, I was one of the few who could climb up the rock wall and abseil down without being afraid. My teacher was so proud of me she told all the instructors how I was the shyest kid in class but the bravest one here.

It’s a reminder that just because I can get all shy in certain areas, it doesn’t mean that I don’t know how to be confident in other areas. It’s just that communicating with others affects everyday life much more than any other fear out there, so much so, that I’ve forgotten I can be good at other things.

That’s why I’ve signed up to go on a kayaking adventure with a bunch of people I’ve never met. That’s why I’ve started playing volleyball and am planning to join dance classes.

So to answer my own question, how do I become confident enough so that asking for a pay rise doesn’t seem that big of a deal?

I guess I need to remember that I’m worth it. And that starts by shifting my focus on building my self worth, doing things I’m good at and that I enjoy. I want the exhilaration of life to outweigh the scary little things.

We can be good at the things that would surprise other people to know we’re good at. We can be brave and shy. After all, we’re complex creatures with all these little gifts inside of us and we can use them to help us build our own self worth.