Not different as in “I’m so unique,” but different as in the way I perceive things. It’s hard to explain.
For instance, when I see people around me hanging out with their friends, girlfriends or boyfriends, I always wonder whether they’re together because they really like each other, or whether they met out of convenience and that person just happened to be right there in front of them.
Someone recently told me that it was strange to be friends with me because they didn’t have any mutual friends with me, so they couldn’t find a topic to talk about.
But this doesn’t make any sense to me. What if somebody great passed you by and you missed out on the chance to get to know them because you were so fixated on living inside of your own bubble?
This is something I don’t understand because I feel like I want to meet people outside of my social circle. I want to know more about others who are different to me. Because life, people and meaningful connections seem way too important to be a shrug of the shoulder kind of thing. But it seems like people don’t seem to care as much about it the way I do.
And I think that this stems from the fact that I was awfully shy when I was younger, so I missed out on a lot of great opportunities, friendships and life in general. So I know the consequences of not going outside of my comfort zone.
Recently, I started learning the guitar because I’ve always admired the way musicians dedicate hours practicing a skill that gives them the ability to create music that inspires others.
I’ve also started writing a book because all the stories I’ve read have some way or another, shaped the way I am. And they are more permanent than most things in this world.
It’s strange because once I decided to dedicate myself to those things, everything else just seemed so ordinary and lacking. Like yesterday, I went to a pop concert which I thought I would totally enjoy because it was pure entertainment, dancing and fun, but I just wasn’t feeling the vibe.
Something’s changing. It’s a confusing, lonely and exciting feeling all at once but I don’t know how to process it.
And I don’t know whether I should share this side of myself to people or not? Will I come off as strange, a dreamer, or too intense? Oftentimes when I try to pretend like I don’t care about these things, I come off as silly when really, I just don’t know how to make sense of the way I feel.
A few years ago, when I was studying for an exam in my last year at University, I opened up my text book and on one of the pages, someone had stuck a post-it note with a quote that said:
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have always imagined.”
I just wanted to know: Is anybody out there who feels exactly the way I do?