The afterlife

What led me there was a curiosity to know what was on the other side of pain.

I’d been seeking out some kind of solace, reading stories about the afterlife.

It sounded like a wonderful place to be.

Some people say that they feel unconditional love. Others say they see their loved ones waiting to take them home.

These stories really give you hope.

But then on the sadder side, they make you see how insignificant our worries are.

That all you feel is peace. There’s no intensity of happiness or sadness. You’re like energy in space.

I don’t want to be just a mass of energy. I want to be human. I want to live. So much of my humanness comes from having feelings and emotions.

People tell me to meditate. Like Buddha. But I am not a god.

Once when I was very young, I felt at peace. Nothing could make me sad. Not even when a friend moved away forever. Not even when a friend wanted to talk about something. My happiness just being alone in my own world stopped me from connecting with people to the fullest.

I didn’t like it. I realised that I didn’t want to feel nothing. I wanted to feel something! So I asked to have emotions, to care about people.

I appreciate the humanness of my thoughts. Knowing that I can feel a scale of emotions from sadness to anger to happiness. It’s like the scales on a piano. It sounds more beautiful because of the range.

A voice is more beautiful because of its range of octaves.

I admit I’ve been playing on a sombre scale for some time. And need to explore a happier scale. Perhaps a bit of Ode to Joy. Beethoven.

 

Productivity journal

I’ve only done 6 hours 40 minutes of freelance work this week. My aim is to do 10 hours a week. That means 3 hours 20 minutes left to go.

I still have tomorrow, Sunday, but it’s looking like a busy day for me, what with farewell parties to go to and visits to friend’s shops.

It’s 12:48am right now and I’m not a late sleeper so I’m going to have an extremely hard time waking up tomorrow morning.

My plan is to get up before 9:00 so I can fit in a couple hours of work before the social things.

I don’t feel very productive today. I spent most of the day on the couch with a pounding headache, eating Hawaiian pizza for lunch.

I managed to eat nearly a whole pizza by myself!

Somehow around 5:00pm I was able to crawl to my workspace and type out a few articles. Miraculously my headache disappeared!

I’m thinking I really need to add in a health routine to my daily life. And no not the gym. I prefer to look at some greenery while exercising.

Anyway I’m just going on about nothing right now. Soooo sleeeppy.

Goodnight.